these girls

I'm not sure I can explain in a few sentences how much this girl means to me. We've known each other since we were just babies, and here we are 25 years later. We became friends like most toddlers do ... one hitting the other and the other biting back. We've seen each other's darkest days and we've both made it out alive, healthier and happier. Many people reading this probably won't know all this girl has been through, but I do, and to see her now, this happy, puts the warmest feeling in my heart. This little girl has saved her and she doesn't even know it. One day I hope she comes to know and understand all the trials her momma has been through for her to be here. I look forward to watching this baby grow, even if it's from across the country. I also look forward to seeing her momma grow and become the person she probably thought she'd never be a year ago.

2-14-2013

I'd like to take this time to write about something I wholeheartedly support.

V-Day and One Billion Rising

As I talked about earlier, I have had my own experience with this issue.

This is a cause that anyone can relate to in some way.

Whether or not you or someone you know has been assaulted or abused in some way,

we all know young girls and women whom we would never want to go through anything like this.

The statistics alone are astounding.

• 1 in 3 women on this planet will be raped or beaten in their lifetime.
• One of every seven victims of sexual assault reported to law enforcement agencies were under age 6. (Bureau of Justice Statistics, National Incident-Based Reporting System, based on reports from law enforcement agencies of 12 States from 1991 through 1996)
• Studies in the US, Israel, Canada, Australia, and South Africa found that 40-70% of female murder victims were killed by husbands or boyfriends. (World Health Organization)
• In Ghana, 1 in 7 (15%) females have been circumcised (Coker-Appiah & Cusack, 1999; Ghana National Study on Violence 1998,survey of 2,069 women and girls supplemented by a five-year review of official records).

I'm rising on 2/14/2013.

I'm rising because I no longer consider myself a victim, but a survivor.

I'm rising for those who will never have the opportunity to share their own story.

I'm rising for those whom have felt the same physical, mental, emotional and spiritual pain that I've felt.

I'm rising because it's time.

Are you?

no title

I haven't written in so long, though I've had a million words to say. There's something I've needed to write down for awhile now. Maybe just to see it in print and to let others know they're not alone. I feel like it's almost voodoo to talk about, but it happens all too often, with countless stories left untold. I'm talking about rape. Not just rape, but my rape. Just over three years ago I was faced with what has become my greatest trial in life. People try to have the right words to say but they don't know. No one could even begin to know without unfortunately going through it themselves. Even then each case is different. One thing is certain, though. Rape is rape. Recently there have been several instances with politicians in the media trying to "define" what rape actually is. All this does for anyone who has experienced it is make them relive it all over again. Relive the shame, fear and worthlessness that we've all felt at one point or another. It is a constant battle. Every day I am faced with continuing to move forward or letting it get the best of me. This has forever changed me, but it does not define me. I am the only one who has the right to do that. I've chosen to make my rape into as positive of a situation as it can be. I have the ability to help others and be an advocate for the victims whose stories have gone unheard. We are survivors and we are a reason to rise.

Acceptance

I have came further than most will ever know. I don't divulge things from my past, even though sometimes I think it would be easier. Easier if people knew the trials I've had to face and continue to overcome. Knowing that I really am happy though sometimes I may get down about things. This journey has only just begun, and I am proud of where I am in life. Where I'm going will only get better as long as I remember to breathe and take it all in a day at a time.

complacency

i'm flying home in 5 hours
i haven't slept yet
probably won't
it's a strange feeling
one i can't really explain
i'm excited, but indifferent
this place that i'm going
what should be "home"
is now just a place with
memories
ones i'm not sure i want to relive
people i'm not sure i want to be part of my life
i had a great childhood
for the most part
then you grow up
people change
friendships fade
now home is a place that makes me
hurt
hurt for the friends who have chosen to stay behind
wasting their lives
their potential
on meaningless temporary gratifications
which do nothing but ruin their chances
do people not see what's out there?
a giant world
endless opportunities
how people are content with staying
in one place
forever
i'll never understand
life is about experiencing great things
an amazing world was created for us
don't remain stagnant
see it
enjoy it
please

Life goes on...and on

It's funny how what you always thought would happen...didn't.

You didn't finish college when you thought you would.

That relationship you thought would last forever ended.

Your best friends came and went.

It's worthless to dwell on the past.

It only wastes the present.

I've recently discovered that I can only give so much.

That relationships can't be one-sided.

And as you're standing still, wondering what happened...

The world moves on.

Everything around you keeps going.

Things are constantly changing.

Never stopping.

Never giving you a chance to figure out where all the time went.

It's became very clear to me that as long as I do all I can...

Even if I come short of my goal...

It's ok.