lately

It's almost been a year since I've written anything. I thought about starting with a clean slate and saying goodbye to everything on this blog, but at the end of the day I chose not to. Although my journey is a little different now, it has all led me to this point.

Some of you may be wondering what I've been up to the last few months, as you've noticed some changes in my life. I'm here to answer some of those questions, even though I don't feel it's really necessary. I want to be honest.

Our divorce was final the beginning of January. It wasn't an angry divorce, but it was two people who finally decided nothing else could be done. I've had many people give me advice along the way, but honestly every situation is different and not all problems are meant to be fixed. I have no hard feelings about anything and I look back on it as a positive and loving learning experience. That's really all that needs to be said.

As to what I'm doing now...

I decided to move back to Arkansas to re-group and get back on my feet. Those of you who are close to me know that I've been wanting to do this for a long time, especially after something like this.

I missed the South. I missed my family. I needed their support and to be closer.

I have been doing what I can to focus on what will be the best for myself. Far too often I found myself sacrificing my dreams, feelings, emotions, etc. in order to make others happy or not hurt them. I honestly just couldn't do it anymore. I'm making a daily effort to be my best self. I mess up. All the time. That's what life is about. You're supposed to fall down and get discouraged. If you don't, then you're not really experiencing the greatness life has to offer once you've came out on the other side.

So here I am, tired and a little broken, but working towards greater things. It's funny how the pieces start falling into place once you start letting go...

2-14-2013

I'd like to take this time to write about something I wholeheartedly support.

V-Day and One Billion Rising

As I talked about earlier, I have had my own experience with this issue.

This is a cause that anyone can relate to in some way.

Whether or not you or someone you know has been assaulted or abused in some way,

we all know young girls and women whom we would never want to go through anything like this.

The statistics alone are astounding.

• 1 in 3 women on this planet will be raped or beaten in their lifetime.
• One of every seven victims of sexual assault reported to law enforcement agencies were under age 6. (Bureau of Justice Statistics, National Incident-Based Reporting System, based on reports from law enforcement agencies of 12 States from 1991 through 1996)
• Studies in the US, Israel, Canada, Australia, and South Africa found that 40-70% of female murder victims were killed by husbands or boyfriends. (World Health Organization)
• In Ghana, 1 in 7 (15%) females have been circumcised (Coker-Appiah & Cusack, 1999; Ghana National Study on Violence 1998,survey of 2,069 women and girls supplemented by a five-year review of official records).

I'm rising on 2/14/2013.

I'm rising because I no longer consider myself a victim, but a survivor.

I'm rising for those who will never have the opportunity to share their own story.

I'm rising for those whom have felt the same physical, mental, emotional and spiritual pain that I've felt.

I'm rising because it's time.

Are you?

no title

I haven't written in so long, though I've had a million words to say. There's something I've needed to write down for awhile now. Maybe just to see it in print and to let others know they're not alone. I feel like it's almost voodoo to talk about, but it happens all too often, with countless stories left untold. I'm talking about rape. Not just rape, but my rape. Just over three years ago I was faced with what has become my greatest trial in life. People try to have the right words to say but they don't know. No one could even begin to know without unfortunately going through it themselves. Even then each case is different. One thing is certain, though. Rape is rape. Recently there have been several instances with politicians in the media trying to "define" what rape actually is. All this does for anyone who has experienced it is make them relive it all over again. Relive the shame, fear and worthlessness that we've all felt at one point or another. It is a constant battle. Every day I am faced with continuing to move forward or letting it get the best of me. This has forever changed me, but it does not define me. I am the only one who has the right to do that. I've chosen to make my rape into as positive of a situation as it can be. I have the ability to help others and be an advocate for the victims whose stories have gone unheard. We are survivors and we are a reason to rise.