speak up, speak out

I'm home this weekend spending time with family and being forever grateful for all they've done for me. You see, it happened five years ago on the 28th. Five years ago this weekend was the most dreadful time of my life. 

Never have I felt more unworthy or unclean. It wasn't just my rapist who made me feel this way. It was the nurses in the ER who wouldn't look me in the eye and the police officers who asked if I made it up so my family wouldn't find out I was "sleeping with a black guy". 

Are you serious? I couldn't believe it.

Rape happens far too often. Every 2 minutes another American is sexually assaulted. Still, somehow it has remained taboo, difficult to talk about. 

I hear people use the word "rape" in a joking way almost every single day. I've been told that I shouldn't expect people to understand because it hasn't happened to them or someone they know. 

I've never asked anyone to understand. 

What I'm asking is for people to educate themselves, for girls to be cautious and aware of their surroundings, and to not assume it won't happen to you. There is a difference between being paranoid and being prepared. 

I won't live my life in fear because of what happened. I will do my part in educating people and helping those who have unfortunately been through it as well. 

There has been recent news of a group of college males that have created a nail polish that changes colors when it comes into contact with any type of date rape drug. The problem with this is the focus remains on the victims. When will society stop focusing on what victims can do, or could have done, to prevent an assault? 

There is still not enough attention placed on educating males, and even females, on consent and teaching how not to rape and abuse others. The responsibility still lies in the hands of the victims. Were you too drunk? Were you dressed immodestly? Did you not fight them off? These questions and more are what rape victims have to answer. 

Even Mary Jane Mowat, a former judge, claimed rape statistics would not improve until women “stop getting so drunk”. This mindset is so absurd and is the main problem with society and the judicial system when it comes to rape cases. It is the same reason so many rapes go unreported. The shame you feel is indescribable and even more so when no one believes you. 

To the victims, please know it's not your fault. No matter what anyone says. To everyone else, I guarantee there is someone in your life you have came across, whether it be a close friend or someone you passed on the street, who has been raped or sexually assaulted in some way. Educate yourselves and do your part in helping reduce and maybe one day eliminate the violence. It's time to take a stand.

For more information and ways you can help, please go here and here.

2-14-2013

I'd like to take this time to write about something I wholeheartedly support.

V-Day and One Billion Rising

As I talked about earlier, I have had my own experience with this issue.

This is a cause that anyone can relate to in some way.

Whether or not you or someone you know has been assaulted or abused in some way,

we all know young girls and women whom we would never want to go through anything like this.

The statistics alone are astounding.

• 1 in 3 women on this planet will be raped or beaten in their lifetime.
• One of every seven victims of sexual assault reported to law enforcement agencies were under age 6. (Bureau of Justice Statistics, National Incident-Based Reporting System, based on reports from law enforcement agencies of 12 States from 1991 through 1996)
• Studies in the US, Israel, Canada, Australia, and South Africa found that 40-70% of female murder victims were killed by husbands or boyfriends. (World Health Organization)
• In Ghana, 1 in 7 (15%) females have been circumcised (Coker-Appiah & Cusack, 1999; Ghana National Study on Violence 1998,survey of 2,069 women and girls supplemented by a five-year review of official records).

I'm rising on 2/14/2013.

I'm rising because I no longer consider myself a victim, but a survivor.

I'm rising for those who will never have the opportunity to share their own story.

I'm rising for those whom have felt the same physical, mental, emotional and spiritual pain that I've felt.

I'm rising because it's time.

Are you?

no title

I haven't written in so long, though I've had a million words to say. There's something I've needed to write down for awhile now. Maybe just to see it in print and to let others know they're not alone. I feel like it's almost voodoo to talk about, but it happens all too often, with countless stories left untold. I'm talking about rape. Not just rape, but my rape. Just over three years ago I was faced with what has become my greatest trial in life. People try to have the right words to say but they don't know. No one could even begin to know without unfortunately going through it themselves. Even then each case is different. One thing is certain, though. Rape is rape. Recently there have been several instances with politicians in the media trying to "define" what rape actually is. All this does for anyone who has experienced it is make them relive it all over again. Relive the shame, fear and worthlessness that we've all felt at one point or another. It is a constant battle. Every day I am faced with continuing to move forward or letting it get the best of me. This has forever changed me, but it does not define me. I am the only one who has the right to do that. I've chosen to make my rape into as positive of a situation as it can be. I have the ability to help others and be an advocate for the victims whose stories have gone unheard. We are survivors and we are a reason to rise.