i spent this past wednesday through monday in arkansas. everytime i go back i realize more and more how much i miss the south. i'm trying to convince chris that we need to live there...soon. i've said it before but there's just nothing like it. i can't imagine raising a family anywhere else. i want kids with cute southern accents and rivers to play in that aren't 20 degrees. i want a big yard to chase my kids around. i'm hoping one day i'll get all this. being there just made me remember how little i like being in utah. i have amazing friends here but i'm really just ready to get back home. i doubt we'd live in arkansas but somewhere southern, anywhere southern...
sis
I have to take a moment and brag on my baby sister. I can't get over how grown up and beautiful she is. She's no longer the annoying 8 year old...just the annoying 17 year old.
21 days
3 weeks and I'll be in Arkansas. I could cry thinking about it...It's been 4 years since I've been home for Christmas and there's truly nothin' like a holiday in the South...there's nothin' like any time in the South really. Just 3 more weeks...
home
I often think about how much I took my childhood for granted. Growing up in the South is a blessing not everyone gets to experience. Southern thunderstorms and summers at the river are what I long for. I hope I get the chance to move back one day, and to show my future family what it's like. I miss simpler times where I wasn't in such a rush. I remember when all I had to do was worry about which pool I was going to during the summer and how late I could stay out before mom got mad. I had some of the best friends a girl could ask for, and although we haven't kept in touch all that much, I still think about them almost every day. There's nothin' better than the South and it took me leaving to realize that.
these girls
I'm not sure I can explain in a few sentences how much this girl means to me. We've known each other since we were just babies, and here we are 25 years later. We became friends like most toddlers do ... one hitting the other and the other biting back. We've seen each other's darkest days and we've both made it out alive, healthier and happier. Many people reading this probably won't know all this girl has been through, but I do, and to see her now, this happy, puts the warmest feeling in my heart. This little girl has saved her and she doesn't even know it. One day I hope she comes to know and understand all the trials her momma has been through for her to be here. I look forward to watching this baby grow, even if it's from across the country. I also look forward to seeing her momma grow and become the person she probably thought she'd never be a year ago.
1149
some days it hits you all over again...and all you can do is breathe and push through. one day at a time.
Christmas in the South
Yesterday I bought tickets for Chris and I to go to Arkansas for Christmas. I don't think I've been this happy in awhile. There's nothin' like a southern holiday and I'm so glad Chris finally gets to experience one. This will probably be the craziest Christmas, though, considering we'll be flying from Salt Lake to Little Rock...for a week...then from Little Rock to Carmel, CA for about 5 days. Doesn't sound too relaxing, but it will be the best Christmas in about 3 years. I'm so excited to see all of my family! I saw some of them at the beginning and end of the summer, but it was a very short visit each time. Also, my best friend, Sasha, is having a baby in a few days and I can't wait to meet Harper when I go home! I am looking forward to all the goodness Arkansas has to offer, and to seeing old friends and family. Just a couple months!
water babies
I've recently been very interested in water birthing.
I had a friend do this a few weeks ago and she had the best experience.
I like being as prepared as possible for anything, so I've been doing a lot of research.
A few weeks ago I watched a film called
The Business of Being Born
which gave insight into different options available.
I'm in no way getting ready to have a baby, but I do like being informed.
I love the idea of a calm setting, without the chaos of a hospital room.
I'm not sure if I would do this at home, but there are birthing centers in and out of hospitals.
I remember being in the room when my sister was born. I was 9 and have been scarred ever since.
It wasn't until I watched the film that my nerves started calming in regards to
pregnancy, labor and delivery.
I had a friend do this a few weeks ago and she had the best experience.
I like being as prepared as possible for anything, so I've been doing a lot of research.
A few weeks ago I watched a film called
The Business of Being Born
which gave insight into different options available.
I'm in no way getting ready to have a baby, but I do like being informed.
I love the idea of a calm setting, without the chaos of a hospital room.
I'm not sure if I would do this at home, but there are birthing centers in and out of hospitals.
I remember being in the room when my sister was born. I was 9 and have been scarred ever since.
It wasn't until I watched the film that my nerves started calming in regards to
pregnancy, labor and delivery.
When talking to a friend (a nurse) about this I was telling her that
I don't think it could be worse than when I had kidney stones.
As I was watching the film I was laughing a little at how much the women in labor looked like me when I was passing my kidney stone.
She asked if they gave me drugs, and after naming off the cocktail of medicine they put through my iv she calmly said,
"it's a good thing you want to do natural birth because if those meds didn't work,
then an epidural isn't going to do anything on you."
I don't think it could be worse than when I had kidney stones.
As I was watching the film I was laughing a little at how much the women in labor looked like me when I was passing my kidney stone.
She asked if they gave me drugs, and after naming off the cocktail of medicine they put through my iv she calmly said,
"it's a good thing you want to do natural birth because if those meds didn't work,
then an epidural isn't going to do anything on you."
We'll see what happens...someday.
scarves and s'mores
This is my most favorite time of year, not because of Halloween,
but because I really, really love scarves.
Sadly, this won't last too long before the snow comes in freezing us to death.
Until then, I'm excited about the beginning of yummy treats, campfires, s'mores and good friends.
I'm also excited because this season has marked the return of my favorite tv shows.
Dexter, Gossip Girl, The Vampire Diaries and Pretty Little Liars.
(Looking at that list it would seem as though Dexter is definitely out of place, but it also holds a dear place in my heart.)
I hope during this season you all are spending time with friends and family enjoying haunted houses, hay rides, corn mazes and candy.
That's all.
2-14-2013
I'd like to take this time to write about something I wholeheartedly support.
As I talked about earlier, I have had my own experience with this issue.
This is a cause that anyone can relate to in some way.
Whether or not you or someone you know has been assaulted or abused in some way,
we all know young girls and women whom we would never want to go through anything like this.
The statistics alone are astounding.
- 1 in 3 women on this planet will be raped or beaten in their lifetime.
- One of every seven victims of sexual assault reported to law enforcement agencies were under age 6. (Bureau of Justice Statistics, National Incident-Based Reporting System, based on reports from law enforcement agencies of 12 States from 1991 through 1996)
- Studies in the US, Israel, Canada, Australia, and South Africa found that 40-70% of female murder victims were killed by husbands or boyfriends. (World Health Organization)
- In Ghana, 1 in 7 (15%) females have been circumcised (Coker-Appiah & Cusack, 1999; Ghana National Study on Violence 1998,survey of 2,069 women and girls supplemented by a five-year review of official records).
I'm rising on 2/14/2013.
I'm rising because I no longer consider myself a victim, but a survivor.
I'm rising for those who will never have the opportunity to share their own story.
I'm rising for those whom have felt the same physical, mental, emotional and spiritual pain that I've felt.
I'm rising because it's time.
Are you?
no title
I haven't written in so long, though I've had a million words to say. There's something I've needed to write down for awhile now. Maybe just to see it in print and to let others know they're not alone. I feel like it's almost voodoo to talk about, but it happens all too often, with countless stories left untold. I'm talking about rape. Not just rape, but my rape. Just over three years ago I was faced with what has become my greatest trial in life. People try to have the right words to say but they don't know. No one could even begin to know without unfortunately going through it themselves. Even then each case is different. One thing is certain, though. Rape is rape. Recently there have been several instances with politicians in the media trying to "define" what rape actually is. All this does for anyone who has experienced it is make them relive it all over again. Relive the shame, fear and worthlessness that we've all felt at one point or another. It is a constant battle. Every day I am faced with continuing to move forward or letting it get the best of me. This has forever changed me, but it does not define me. I am the only one who has the right to do that. I've chosen to make my rape into as positive of a situation as it can be. I have the ability to help others and be an advocate for the victims whose stories have gone unheard. We are survivors and we are a reason to rise.
it's been far too long.
I used to be very good at this,
but somewhere along the way I lost track of writing down my thoughts on here.
So much has gone on in the last several months, and now I'm in Orlando.
Today I became 26...and here's what happened in pictures.
...
It keeps me occupied when i should be studying.
It entertains me while my professors are boring me.
It helps me be distracted when i'm supposed to be working.
It keeps my head spinning with ideas.
It prevents me from paying attention to others.
It makes me burn my hands while cooking new foods.
It gives me motivation to work more...to have more money...for cute clothes.
It opens my mind to the great possibilities of travel and all there is to see.
It feeds my addiction
It is called Pinterest.
rain, i do not like you.
may showers, please, go away.
i want sunshine
and summer
sno cones and warmth!
i can't handle the dreary days anymore.
my winter coats and sweaters are supposed to be locked away,
not worn every day.
may showers, please, go away.
Make thee an ark of gopher wood...
I feel like I'm going to need one come Saturday when Chris and I are in Arkansas.
It has been raining...raining...and raining.
Roads are washed out, rivers are up, people are being evacuated.
This is at a park by my house.
These are usually nice little falls that you can walk up.
Now it looks more like a white water rafting adventure.
Oh, and did I mention tornadoes?
Several people have died and the storms are still coming. Please keep everyone enduring these storms in your prayers.
takin it back: film
i love everything about photos.
i love capturing the moment.
candid smiles, laughs.
i am going to spend my summer learning as much as i can.
i want to shoot for me.
luckily, i have someone by my side to share in this experience.
chris and i took our old slrs out for a little fun.
here ya go.
Home, I'm coming...
In 22 days I'll be in Arkansas.
It will have been one year since I've been able to say that.
I can't express how excited I am.
Not only am I going home,
but Chris is going with me.
I think I'm even more excited for that.
I can't wait to go here, here, here, then here!
And of course many more places.
Gah...hurry.
It will have been one year since I've been able to say that.
I can't express how excited I am.
Not only am I going home,
but Chris is going with me.
I think I'm even more excited for that.
I can't wait to go here, here, here, then here!
And of course many more places.
Gah...hurry.
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