song of the day

word of the day.

bra·zen   [brey-zuhn]

–adjective
1.
shameless or impudent: brazen presumption.
2.
made of brass.
3.
like brass, as in sound, color, or strength.

–verb (used with object)
4.
to make brazen or bold.

—verb phrase
5.
brazen out / through, to face boldly or shamelessly: He prefers to brazen it out rather than admit defeat.

I'm wide awake, it's morning

A little somethin for a cold Wednesday...

always coca-cola

i used to hate coca-cola, especially diet coke.

then i met ashton, who influenced me to become addicted to the diet stuff.

i still hated coke.

i was solely a diet coke or dr.pepper girl.

then i met someone who loves coke.

we would always share drinks, and i pretended to like it.

then one day...i did.

now i always want it.

always.

want know the way to my heart?

a cold coca-cola and a maple bar.

the end.

photo courtesy of xan hart

sleep? who needs it...

sitting here, unable to sleep.

isn't it funny how sometimes you try to get away from something,

then that's the only thing you want?

i yearn for home.

i'm not wanting to move back there,

but i want to be there.

i want to see my family,

especially the new addition.

i want to see my sister.

she is so gorgeous.

a bonafide rarity.

i want to see her grow up.

help her make the right decisions.

i want to lie on the grass and soak up the southern air.

when it's warm.

life has given me amazing opportunities,

and i wouldn't trade them for much...

just for arkansas to be a little closer to utah.

photo courtesy of xan hart

remember when i made a friend...

...and then he decided he wanted to leave me in a couple months.

rude.

luckily, i love him nonetheless...so this is for him.

november...really?

i was asked by a friend why i don't update this thing anymore.

so here goes...

have you ever had one of those moments when you wonder what you're doing?

and you feel as though you have no control?

that's where i am.

was.

but i realized i've got more control than i thought i did.

even though i'm 24 and feel like i've accomplished just about nothing...i have.

i've been on my own, 1400 miles from any family, doing my best

to make it.

to give myself more opportunities.

to make my momma proud and realize she did better at raising me than she thinks.

to live life, make mistakes and get my heart broken.

because all of these things make me stronger and stronger day by day.

this past year couldn't have been more difficult,

but i've came farther than i would've ever imagined.

so many times i held myself back from being happy or experiencing new things just because i wanted to keep myself safe.

but you can't do that.

granted it's a lot easier to not get hurt,

but whether it be a breakup, school or a job, even if it fails...

the experience is worth it and you can still go on.

i've learned to try pushing myself to the limit

even when i don't think i can go any further.

let yourself live life.

a little heart break and trial will only make you a better person in the end

that's all.

6:22

I feel like I'm at a standstill.
I have things I want to do, but doing them means letting go...
I'm not sure how to do that.
I know I can, though. I've done it before.
One foot in front of the other, I guess.
It's all overwhelming, but I know I just have to do it.
I can't wait for things to happen anymore.
I have to be proactive in deciding what I want for my life.
I feel like I've came a long way, and I'm not stopping.
At times I get really down thinking about things I have to overcome,
but all of these trials are just making me stronger.
I'm very aware that I'm not given anything I can't handle,
no matter how difficult something might seem.
I can do this.

Today

I have to constantly be reminded of how blessed I am.
It's not always easy seeing the positive in your own life,
but luckily I have people to point it out.
I am continually working on myself...even if it doesn't seem like it.
I have someone in my life whom helps me more than he'll ever understand,
and even if he doesn't stick around as long as I'd like...
It was all well worth it.
I am ready to stop letting the things of my past,
things I can't control,
determine what my future has in store for me.
My worst enemy is myself these days, and only I can push through
the fear and overcome all of this.

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.
1 John 4:18

courtesy of modest mouse

sometimes all i really want to feel is love
sometimes i'm angry that i feel so angry
sometimes my feelings get in the way
of what i really feel i needed to say...