All Good

Starting my life over at 27 isn't something I ever expected to be doing. It is a daily effort to stay positive and motivated as I'm trying to figure out life on my own again. I have a friend who is very close to me and knows the struggles I've been dealing with. Today she made me a "meditation lovership bracelet", as she calls it, with beautiful gemstones I've been learning about. Carnelian is a stabilizing crystal, perfect for anchoring in the present, which I'm constantly trying to do (be present…be present…be present…). Agate promotes self-acceptance and confidence, encouraging the speaking of one's own truth. I’m always so hard on myself, which is something I’ve really been trying to change. The Dalmatian Stone can reawaken a sense of fun and humor because everyone needs to enjoy life and laugh, especially when all seems to be falling apart. Lastly, the Smoky Quartz is a mood elevator- it relieves fear, enhances security and safety, and brings on emotional calmness. I'm looking forward to remaining positive and seeking the best in each day as I continue this new journey.

...

The thing about new beginnings is that they can happen at any time. There doesn't have to be a life changing event to create one. Each day we are given the chance to become a newer, better version of ourselves. I take this for granted most of the time. I forget that I'm not defined by worldly things. I get caught up in my failures or what I haven't accomplished and forget that I still have so far to go. Isn't that crazy? When I take a step back I remember that I have so much to give. I have so much more to learn and so many more things to discover. This is what keeps me going. I meet new people each day and I have to do my part to leave a positive impact on their lives. That sounds cliche, but the thing with cliches is that they're true. We're all going through hard things all the time. My trials may not seem as important as yours, but who cares. Just remember that you don't have to have your life figured out right now. The only one holding you to any crazy expectations is yourself. 

If anyone else is, then screw them.

Keep Going

Life is constantly changing. You make new friends, new jobs, new loves and new memories. Then sometimes you lose it all. When I wrote this I had a lot on my mind, but I think of it and smile knowing that the best is yet to come. 

I pray that you will be as well as you can be

That you will find your purpose

And not hold back

I wish you the truest of love

And when you find it

That you grasp on for dear life

Cleaving to every smile and embrace

Remember that you are not the creator of your days

Only the gambler of their outcome

Do not forget who you are

This life has not been wasted

Each memory is a tally that makes up the whole

You are not missing what you seem to be

For all you need is inside

Keep searching with your whole heart

And beyond all beguiling

Know you're never second best

lately

It's almost been a year since I've written anything. I thought about starting with a clean slate and saying goodbye to everything on this blog, but at the end of the day I chose not to. Although my journey is a little different now, it has all led me to this point.

Some of you may be wondering what I've been up to the last few months, as you've noticed some changes in my life. I'm here to answer some of those questions, even though I don't feel it's really necessary. I want to be honest.

Our divorce was final the beginning of January. It wasn't an angry divorce, but it was two people who finally decided nothing else could be done. I've had many people give me advice along the way, but honestly every situation is different and not all problems are meant to be fixed. I have no hard feelings about anything and I look back on it as a positive and loving learning experience. That's really all that needs to be said.

As to what I'm doing now...

I decided to move back to Arkansas to re-group and get back on my feet. Those of you who are close to me know that I've been wanting to do this for a long time, especially after something like this.

I missed the South. I missed my family. I needed their support and to be closer.

I have been doing what I can to focus on what will be the best for myself. Far too often I found myself sacrificing my dreams, feelings, emotions, etc. in order to make others happy or not hurt them. I honestly just couldn't do it anymore. I'm making a daily effort to be my best self. I mess up. All the time. That's what life is about. You're supposed to fall down and get discouraged. If you don't, then you're not really experiencing the greatness life has to offer once you've came out on the other side.

So here I am, tired and a little broken, but working towards greater things. It's funny how the pieces start falling into place once you start letting go...