I'm wide awake, it's morning

A little somethin for a cold Wednesday...

always coca-cola

i used to hate coca-cola, especially diet coke.

then i met ashton, who influenced me to become addicted to the diet stuff.

i still hated coke.

i was solely a diet coke or dr.pepper girl.

then i met someone who loves coke.

we would always share drinks, and i pretended to like it.

then one day...i did.

now i always want it.

always.

want know the way to my heart?

a cold coca-cola and a maple bar.

the end.

photo courtesy of xan hart

sleep? who needs it...

sitting here, unable to sleep.

isn't it funny how sometimes you try to get away from something,

then that's the only thing you want?

i yearn for home.

i'm not wanting to move back there,

but i want to be there.

i want to see my family,

especially the new addition.

i want to see my sister.

she is so gorgeous.

a bonafide rarity.

i want to see her grow up.

help her make the right decisions.

i want to lie on the grass and soak up the southern air.

when it's warm.

life has given me amazing opportunities,

and i wouldn't trade them for much...

just for arkansas to be a little closer to utah.

photo courtesy of xan hart

remember when i made a friend...

...and then he decided he wanted to leave me in a couple months.

rude.

luckily, i love him nonetheless...so this is for him.

november...really?

i was asked by a friend why i don't update this thing anymore.

so here goes...

have you ever had one of those moments when you wonder what you're doing?

and you feel as though you have no control?

that's where i am.

was.

but i realized i've got more control than i thought i did.

even though i'm 24 and feel like i've accomplished just about nothing...i have.

i've been on my own, 1400 miles from any family, doing my best

to make it.

to give myself more opportunities.

to make my momma proud and realize she did better at raising me than she thinks.

to live life, make mistakes and get my heart broken.

because all of these things make me stronger and stronger day by day.

this past year couldn't have been more difficult,

but i've came farther than i would've ever imagined.

so many times i held myself back from being happy or experiencing new things just because i wanted to keep myself safe.

but you can't do that.

granted it's a lot easier to not get hurt,

but whether it be a breakup, school or a job, even if it fails...

the experience is worth it and you can still go on.

i've learned to try pushing myself to the limit

even when i don't think i can go any further.

let yourself live life.

a little heart break and trial will only make you a better person in the end

that's all.